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It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new kitchen extension or to move home.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my bum big? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
Men's English
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = £80 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any fekkin' dress and let's go home!
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. Theres already one asshole in there."
Man: "Hey baby, whats your sign?"
Woman: "DO NOT ENTER"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhh... Your so right. I want you to leave."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
Man: "I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours."
Woman: "I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours."
Man: "Will you go out with me this Saturday?"
Woman: "Sorry, I'm having a headache this weekend."
Man: "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"
Woman: "Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time."
Man: "Your face must turn a few heads."
Woman: "And your face must turn a few stomachs."
Man: "Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out."
Woman: "Okay, get out."
Man: "I can tell you want me"
Woman: "Oh you're so right, i want you to leave!"
Top ten things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:
10. Get ahead faster in Corporate Bluecollar Business.
9. Get a blowjob.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you cant hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes, and the ruler situated next to his member which causes an extra two inches to be added to the final measurement.
And the NUMBER ONE thing women would do if they woke up with a penis?!
1. Get another blowjob.
